It was only a matter of time, but some good soul has finally stepped forward and launched a stripped-down, purpose-built blog devoted entirely to the widely-held belief - especially in L.A. - hell is the other driver.
L.A. Can't Drive is an anonymous blogger with a camera who puts voice to all our pent-up frustrations at L.A.'s worst speeders, tailgaters, drifters and lane-bargers - or at least the ones that he (she?) runs across.
The blogger posts photos of offending vehicles, ranks the behavior on both an "asshole meter" and an "idiocy meter" (marked amusingly with little VW microbuses), and then lets rip:
This jerkoff drives a blue Corvette with the license plate "Blue Sand". Apparently, he's too cool to see cars parked on the right most lane on Crescent Heights as he speeds down the road trying to pass as many cars as possible. You think he'd learn his lesson the first time, right? But no...this idiot nearly runs into parked cars 3 times as he tries to pass from the right lane. Simultaneously, he nearly collides into cars driving single-file in the proper lane 3 times as he tries to muscle his car back into the flow of traffic. Will some officer please do us a favor and revoke this asshole's license? Any wagers on whether or not dickless signaled?
It'll be interesting to see how long this blog lasts before the road-rage-tinged author either suffers an aneurysm, or gets in into it too deep against someone who's packing heat.
This said, I can't quite understand what he means to do with the "driving test" proposal in his site manifesto:
Los Angeles drivers can't drive. Plain and simple. Basic traffic laws and driving etiquette clearly do not apply in a town where the people seem to operate in their own little bubble, completely unaware or dismissive of others on the road. Call it what you will: self-entitlement, negligence, malaise, ignorance. My goal? To have mandatory driving tests randomly issued where drivers are eligible for selection after 6 years. Consider this jury duty for the road.
Me? I can't even curse any more when the kids are in the car, let alone throw hand gestures, so here are some favorite moves for dealing with three types of idiot motorists:
Tailgating: On the freeway, if I can't speed up or get out of a tailgater's way, and he won't respond to a couple quick taps on the brake lights (but not the brakes) then I just sloooooowww doowwwwwnnn. Sooner or later, he blasts past me in another lane with an evil look, or I make enough room to change lanes. Letting people tailgate you basically screws you the second someone in front of you slams on the brakes.
Getting cut off: Just stay the eff away from 'em. A little horn is impotent retaliation, and they're usually just morons or racers. The last time I used the horn - on someone who cut me off as multiple lanes merged to one en route to Santa Monica Pier's parking lot - the guy threatened to shoot me.
Drifters: Two kinds: Shitfaced, or on-the-phone. On the first, keep a safe distance (and phone in the plate if the driving's egregious enough). On the second, use horn, brights or any other signal available (present company in mind) to get their attention. Then do the universal hand gesture for "HANG UP THE PHONE, CEMENTHEAD!" Both? Exit as quickly as possible and phone the CHP.
Anyone else out there have tactics for surviving idiots and assholes without inviting ramming or bullets?
Posted by: Mack_Reed on Tuesday, January 30, 2007 - 12:48 PM
